GATHUKA`S WORDS: 2017

LIFE SKILLS

INTRODUCTION

Life skills: are behaviors used appropriately and responsibly in the management of personal affairs. They are a set of human skills acquired via teaching or direct experience that are used to handle problems and questions commonly encountered in daily human life. The subject varies greatly depending on social and community expectations.

Life Skills are psychosocial competences which enable an individual develop adaptive and positive behaviour so as to deal effectively with challenges and demands of everyday life. The development of Life Skills is a lifelong process that starts in early childhood and continues throughout one’s life

Categories/Types of Life Skills

They are various types of life skills which have been identified by different agencies. There are ten core life skills, which have been identified and are categorized into three components:

(A) Critical thinking skills/Decision-making skills

(i) Decision making skills: Decision-making is a process to determine alternative and constructive solutions about problems.

(ii) Critical thinking skill: Critical thinking skill is an ability which helps to analyze information and experiences in an objective manner. It also helps us to evaluate the influence of decisions taken on our own values and values of people who are near to us.

(iii) Problem solving skill: It is an ability to identify the problems correctly, understanding its sources and causes very constructively. These causes have to be reduced or eliminated. This skill also assists in choosing the best alternative from many to solve the problem.

(B) Interpersonal/Communication skills

(i) Effective communication: Communication is an important process which is used by an individual to transfer ideas, information or feelings to others. Unless the communication is effective, the purpose of communication fails. Effective communication skill helps to express oneself both verbally and non-verbally through gestures in way that messages are not distorted and, moreover, it is appropriate to one's culture and situation. Therefore, effective communication includes active listening, ability to express feelings and giving appropriate feedback.

(ii) Negotiation/refusal skill: Sometimes, an individual is put in a situation, where he/she does not want to remain for a long time. This induces lot of dissatisfaction in an individual. For example, a child is bullied or abused by his/her classmates. This can put him/her in a state of depression or detachment. Then, negotiation skill will help that child to negotiate, without getting aggressive towards them and thus helping him/her to become more acceptable.

(iii) Empathy: It is an ability to imagine and understand what life is like for another person, even in a situation that you may not be familiar with. It is important for an adolescent to develop positive outlook towards others and feeling of cooperation, which is necessary for preparing the foundation for adulthood.

(iv) Interpersonal skill: Team work is required to the successful completion of a project. For example, if you want to organize an exhibition in your school, then, who will provide you with help? The skill, which is required to co-ordinate work with The involvement of the people, is called Interpersonal skill. This skill helps an individual to relate in a positive way with fellow beings. Development of this skill enables an individual to be accepted in the society.

(C) Coping and self-management skills

(i) Coping with stress/stress management: Adolescence is a vulnerable period of development and rapid developmental changes causes stress. Erickson has propounded that in this period individual wants to have his/her own identity. If proper direction is not given then he/she feels stressed out. Therefore, this skill helps in recognizing the sources of life stress and directs an individual to choose a way that can control the heightened stress level.

(ii) Coping with emotions: Briggs concluded that emotional development is complete by the age of 2 years. The adolescent generally shows heightened emotions as compared to an adult and we end up in concluding that this group is immature. This skill is involved in recognizing the emotions and also helps to respond to those emotions appropriately. Since, emotions also influence the overt behaviour, the skill becomes more important for the constructive personality development.

(iii) Skill of self evaluation/self awareness:This skill includes the recognition of one's self esteem, internal locus of control, likes and dislikes. If an individual is able to recognize them, then he/she starts believing that they can make a change in the world. Therefore, they start looking at themselves and world more positively.

Benefits/ Importance of Life Skills

Life Skills Education has long term benefits to the society. These include educational, social, health, cultural and economic benefits.

(a)Educational benefits

· Strengthens teacher pupil relationship

· Leads to desirable behavior change

· Improves discipline in schools

· Reduces learner problems such as absenteeism, drug and substance abuse, teenage pregnancies etc

· Helps learners to improve their performance

(b)Social Benefits

· Improves the socialization process among learners such as relating to others in a friendly way

· Enables learners to choose good and reliable friends

· Helps learners to use their leisure time properly

· assists learners to recognize and avoid risky situations

· Bring about meaningful interaction among learners, teachers and the school community

· Helps in character building.

(c)Health Benefits

· Leads to prevention and control of diseases such as STIs, HIV and AIDS

· Contributes to a person’s general well being (physical, mental, emotional and social)

· Leads to less strain on health facilities

· Helps people to be responsible for their own and other people’s health

d)Cultural Benefits

· Enables people to adopt and maintain meaningful cultural practices and avoid practices that may put self and others at risk

· Promotes harmonious interaction between people of different cultures

· Helps in the clarification of values in the society

e)Economic Benefits

· It leads to high productivity due to a motivated, strong and energetic labour force

· Savings are increased as money used eg on management and control of HIV and AIDS can be invested elsewhere. Resources such as time and money are saved as learners acquire skills to manage themselves and their environment.

Living Values and Our Lives

Values are the principles and beliefs that influence the behaviour and way of life of a group of people or community.

The things, ideas, beliefs and principles that are of worth to a person shapes his or her values. A person’s values help to define who he/she is and help determine the choices he/she makes. Living values provide principles and tools for development of the whole person recognizing that the individual is comprised of the physical, intellectual, social, emotional and spiritual dimension. Life Skills Education is best enhanced by living values. The Core Living Values includes:

• Cooperation • Freedom • Happiness • Honesty • Tolerance • Unity

• Peace • Respect • Responsibility • Simplicity • Humility • Love

Love-Where there is love, there is a world. Love looks on all with a vision of equality; Love is all giving without any thought of a return. A heart that has love is able to accommodate the whole universe and still has space for more. Selfless love is truly unlimited; It forgets and forgives the weakness and sees only beauty and specialities in everyone .

Honesty-Speak with honesty and you will get a chance to learn. The one who is honest will speak about themselves first, not about others. Others won’t get impressed by your words Or even by your face But by your honesty and truth.

Tolerance-One who has tolerance has the power to Accept and accommodate all situations. Only when you are contented internally can there be tolerance. When you are contented, then just like a mother who has love for her child, there is no limit to tolerance.

Simplicity-Simplicity is identifying and being comfortable with those elaborate circumstances which shape our lives without worrying or making matters complicated. It requires facing any complexity with a plain and simple mind. Simplicity starts with the self and overflows to everything else around us. A life lived in simplicity is a satisfying life which inspires everyone yet possessed by an individual.

Peace-Peace is the original quality of the self. In its purest form, peace is inner silence. It consists of positive thoughts, pure feelings and good wishes. To have peace you need patience. When you are peaceful, you create an atmosphere of peace, Peace in the world can only be realized When there is peace in the minds of men.

Happiness-There is happiness when each moment is used in a worthwhile way. Happiness is such nourishment that it can transform a person, from weak to powerful, it makes difficult things easy and heavy things light. To remain happy and share happiness with others is the greatest act of charity. No matter what happens, your happiness should not be lost.

Cooperation-It is based on faith, love, trust and understanding. It is not a bargaining game, in which one person’s success is achieved at the expense of another’s. Real cooperation takes place when there are good wishes and pure feelings for each other. The highest cooperation is to partake of God’s task; and in return He will cooperate with you forever.

Humility-Humility is dedication to the extent that no acknowledgement is sought for the self. Humility allows you to learn. There is great strength in humility, it never holds on to anyone for support, everyone bows down to those who bow down first. Humility is visible when there is love, It helps you to remain happy.

Respect-True respect is valuing one’s own existence and the existence of others. It is not connected to a person’s role, social position, capacities or talents, it is the awareness that everyone has value and everyone is unique. When there is respect, there is understanding, giving and taking on basis of love. Only when you give respect do you earn the respect of others.

Responsibility-The world is a stage and we are all actors, each actor plays a unique part and he is responsible for his own actions. Responsibility means playing our part accurately no matter what the task may be. Each one of us has a huge part in creating a better world, Just respond to the abilities within you and become responsible.

Freedom-Freedom starts in the mind, understanding the self is the key to freedom. The more one understand the self, the easier it is to be liberated from waste. Freedom means to be uninfluenced, unaffected and to be at peace with the self. True freedom is to experience the true essence of one’s being and that is peace.

Unity-Unity is harmony within and amongst individuals. It is built from a shared vision for the common good. Unity is appreciating the values of each Individual and their unique contributions. When there is the willingness within the self to accommodate others, unity blossoms.

Benefits of Core Living Values

• Values bring happiness in life

• Values are the treasure of life, making humans wealthy and rich

• A life filled with values is a life of self-respect and dignity

• Values bring independence and freedom

• They expand the capacity to be self-sufficient

• They liberate one from external influences

• They offer protection and those who get it are able to share with others

• Values bring empowerment and remove weaknesses and defects

• They open the heart and transform human nature so that life is filled with compassion and humility

• Students also thrive in a value-based atmosphere in a positive, safe environment of mutual respect and care. Where students are regarded as capable of learning to make socially conscious choices.

SELF AWARENESS

Self-description- is the way in which you describe or talk about yourself to the world.

Self Awareness- is having a clear perception of your personality, including strengths, weaknesses, thoughts, beliefs, motivation, and emotions. Self Awareness allows you to understand other people, how they perceive you, your attitude and your responses to them in the moment.
As you develop self awareness you are able to make changes in the thoughts and interpretations you make in your mind. Changing the interpretations in your mind allows you to change your emotions. Self awareness is one of the attributes of Emotional Intelligence and an important factor in achieving success.

Having self awareness allows you to see where your thoughts and emotions are taking you. It also allows you to see the controls of your emotions, behavior, and personality so you can make changes you want. Until you are aware in the moment of the controls to your thoughts, emotions, words, and behavior, you will have difficulty making changes in the direction of your life.

Challenges that Hinder the Attainment of Life Goals

A good place to start when setting GOALS is to ensure they are SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and within a set Timeframe).

Before you rush out and set goals at random, you need to know what traps to avoid. The following are the reasons why people fail at achieving their goals

1) Fear of success and/or failure.

Some people are afraid they will fail or, even worse, that they may actually succeed. As such, they don’t even bother trying to attain a goal. Such people lack belief in themselves and in their potential. In their mind, if they fail, everyone will think negatively of them and if they succeed, people will be envious and think negatively of them. So it becomes a lose-lose situation no matter how they look at it. Realize that you can achieve anything you set your mind to, believe in yourself and your abilities and others will too.

2) Lack of understanding about the goal-setting process.

Many people mistakenly believe that goal setting simply means putting a goal on paper, setting a date for completion, marking off checkpoints as they occur and then starting all over again. Such a mentality hinders people from success, because a goal isn’t a one-time thing that you eventually scratch off a list. Setting a goal is really about changing yourself for the long-term. Goals aren’t short-term, quick-fix things; they are fixed and immovable destinations that show the world who you want to become or what you want to achieve.

3) Lack of commitment to the goal.

Even though people state they want to achieve a certain goal, in truth, they’re really not committed to it. Because of this lack of commitment, they don’t give the act of goal attainment their full effort. As with anything in life, if you don’t give it your all, you receive mediocre/ordinary results. Commitment is crucial for attaining any goal.

4) Inactivity.

After setting a goal, writing down dates and setting checkpoints, some people stop. They never actually take that first step needed to progress toward their goal. But realize if you don’t get started, you can’t go anywhere. Without action, nothing happens. So if you’ve created a goal list and now wonder why none of your goals are transpiring, ask yourself what action steps you’ve taken to achieve your goals. If you haven’t taken any action, now is the time to start.

5) Analysis paralysis.

Many people let questions and doubts paralyze them. They believe they can’t start on a goal until they have all the answers to every “what if” scenario. However, no matter how long and hard you prepare, you will never have all the answers to the questions you ask. Additionally, most people make their decisions and/or answer their questions based on where they are right now, rather than on where they want to go or who they want to become. Always base your decisions and answer your questions with a view to the future, not a view to current situations. Your situation will change because of the decisions you make today and will dictate the success of your journey. So, move forward toward your goal knowing that you’ll never have all the answers.

6) Lack of a real destination.

People often begin setting goals without a solid destination of who they want to become or what they ultimately want to achieve. But if you don’t have a destination in mind, then you’ll never know which road to take to get where you want to go. Your destination needs to be clear – something you can visualize and describe to others. Without such a clear view of what you want in life, you’ll be forever changing course and falling short of your potential.

7.) Failing to plan.

While many people understand the formula of goal setting, they don’t have a plan for goal attainment that’s personalized to them and their experiences. In other words, they neglect the gifts they possess which can help them attain the goal, as well as the people they know who may be able to help them. We each bring so many unique talents and attributes to the table, and we know a multitude of people who can help us in some way. Be mindful of these advantages during your planning process and use the resources you have available to you.

8) Having too many goals.

Some people have too many goals and not enough focus. It’s like they’re standing in front of a dart board with three targets in mind. Hitting just one target is difficult enough; hitting three targets simultaneously with one dart is impossible. Therefore, determine the one goal you are focused on and move forward with that one goal only. Eliminate other goals that are secondary. This is not to say that you should never have more than one goal. Rather, you need to realize that you have only so much time and energy. Therefore, choose the goal that will give you the highest ROE (return on effort) and focus on that one goal first. Once complete, you can then focus on other goals in sequence.

9) Feeling unworthy of the end result.

Some people really don’t believe they’re worthy of attaining the goal. As such, they self-sabotage themselves. Perhaps they suddenly walk away from the key contact who will help them with their goal, or they neglect to do a critical activity that will enable them to achieve their goal. People who feel unworthy usually lack self-confidence, and confidence is the keystone to goal attainment.

10) Lack of motivation to change.

Finally, many people are simply satisfied with what they have and where they are in life. As such, they don’t explore what else is available or what greater things they could achieve. Research tells us that there are only two motivating factors that cause people to change: pain and pleasure. And even if someone is feeling pain in a situation, that pain may not be great enough, or he or she is simultaneously receiving ample pleasure, so the person doesn’t strive for more. Change and goal attainment only happen when you’re ready to break the status quo and truly want something better in life.

Strategies of Overcoming Challenges

When confronted with obstacles, problems and challenges, it’s easy to become a little overwhelmed, especially when the circumstances are unfamiliar and seem a little threatening and urgent. However, no matter what life throws your way, keep in mind that there are always options available, there are always things you can do, actions you can take and decisions you can make that will keep moving you forward in the right direction.

Step Back Emotionally

When unexpected obstacles suddenly show up, it’s easy to react emotionally to the circumstances. However, emotional reactions are often not very productive, and more times than not they don’t alleviate the situation. Instead we must learn to step back from our emotions and see the situation from an external perspective — through logic and reason. It’s only once we grasp the circumstances from an intellectual perspective that we begin to identify the true relevance and significance of the events that have taken place.

Gain Necessary Resources and Support

At times we simply do not have the necessary resources to help us deal with the situation at hand. In such circumstances we must question what pieces of the puzzle we are currently missing, and then look for the necessary tools, strategies, knowledge and the support we need to help us overcome this obstacle successfully.

Acquire Different Perspective

Sometimes obstacles are only as real as we make them out to be. In fact at times obstacles are simply misunderstandings and generalizations that we have made about circumstances. At other times obstacles are only as real as the assumptions that are clouding our vision.

To begin shifting your perspective, start by viewing the situation you find yourself in from another person’s perspective. Alternatively you can use a plethora of framing and reframing techniques that will help you shift the way you think about your circumstances.

Seek Guidance

Often the answers we need to help us overcome the obstacles in our lives can be found by simply talking to other people. In fact, other people might have already dealt and successfully overcome the circumstances you find yourself in. You must therefore seek out mentors, life coaches or experts to help you find the answers you need to move you forward towards your goals and objectives.

Breathe, Take Control and Take Action

When obstacles overwhelm us, our first automatic response is to freeze. This paralysis may seem unhelpful at first, however it gives us time to ponder and think strategically about the circumstances we find ourselves in.

Take these moments to breathe deeply and ask yourself the following questions:

What is it that I control?

What is it that I don’t control?

How can I gain control over these circumstances?

If I cannot gain control, then how can I influence these circumstances?

If I cannot influence them, then maybe I am not seeing things clearly. Where must I look for more information?

By asking and taking action on these questions you will gain some semblance/impressions of control over your circumstances and can slowly start building momentum moving forward towards the attainment of your goals.

Adjust Your Priorities

At times we are unable to overcome certain obstacles in our lives because our priorities are simply out of order. This is especially relevant when you consider that spending a little more time concentrating on developing a certain skill or gaining knowledge in a specific area of your life can have a significant impact on your ability to overcome difficult circumstances.

Assess Your Obstacles

You will rarely be able to overcome an obstacle unless you are able to figure out how it originated and weaseled its way into your life. You must therefore ask yourself:

What went wrong?

What could have caused this?

What must I do now?

List Possible Options

Sometimes obstacles have a tendency to lock us up mentally in a confined space, thusly limiting our thinking and perspective of the situation. In such instances we must realize that solutions can only be found when we open our minds to possibilities and options that we hadn’t considered before. To do this, simply sit down with a pen and paper and ask yourself over and over again:

How can I overcome this obstacle?

What options haven’t I considered?

The more options you have, the more opportunity you have to find a suitable answer to the problem you are facing.

Ask Effective Questions

The above two examples hopefully help unlock the power of questions and how asking effective questions can help you gather new and different perspectives about your life and circumstances. In addition to this, spend time overviewing the obstacle analysis questions that are listed on the second branch of this IQ Matrix map. Together they provide a powerful example of how questions can be used to help shift your perspective.

Experiment in New Directions

Asking effective questions will help you gain new insights into the obstacles that are standing in your way. Use this gathered information to try new things and move in new directions that you never considered before. It is after all the path less traveled that will make all the difference in the end.

Accept and Acknowledge Circumstances

When confronted with an obstacle, the worst thing we can do is to deny that the problem exists.

When we deny that something exists we close ourselves off to solutions, answers and opportunities that are waiting for us to discover. We must therefore accept and acknowledge the circumstances for what they are from an optimistic, solution orientated yet very realistic perspective.

Think Critically and Creatively

Creative and critical thinking was built upon the foundations of the obstacles and problems that people have dealt with throughout the course of human history. In fact, without obstacles and problems there would be no need for creative or critical thought. You must therefore use these two tools to help you unlock the solutions and answers you need that will help you overcome the obstacles in your life.

Take Small Steps

By taking small steps you ensure that you always remain in control and do not get overwhelmed by circumstances. To do this, simply break down what you need to do to overcome this obstacle into small manageable chunks, then progressively work on one or more chunks per day until you successfully reach your outcome.

Make Necessary Sacrifices

At times we find it difficult to overcome certain obstacles because we are simply unwilling to make the necessary sacrifices to make the changes in our life that would help us to successfully overcome the problems we are confronting. Sometimes it’s not what you do, but rather what you let go of that will have the greatest impact on your life.

Learn from Mistakes

Progress is built upon a myriad of mistakes that we make on a daily basis. Some are big, some are small, but one thing is certain, they are all significant with helping us learn the lessons we need to learn, to help us achieve our goals and objectives.

Take time to learn from every unsuccessful attempt, from every failed result, and from every unsatisfactory outcome. The more you learn, the more you will grow and the better you will be able to deal with the obstacles that lie ahead on your path.

Keep Things Simple

When dealing with obstacles, simplicity is the key. The more we try and complicate things, the more likely we are to become overwhelmed with circumstances. You must therefore keep things as simple and straightforward as possible, because the toughest of problems are often solved in simple ways.

Cultivate Self Belief and Confidence

You are unlikely to overcome an obstacle if you don’t believe that you are capable of overcoming it. Your doubts will only paralyze you and focus you on problems and not the solutions you need to get the outcomes you want. You must therefore develop the necessary confidence and self-belief that will help you to think far more effectively about the obstacles and problems in your life.

Cultivate Calmness

Calmness provides you with clarity of mind, which enables you to ask better questions, think more creatively, critically and effectively about your problems.

When your mind and body is calm, you naturally tap into a reservoir of internal resources that you normally wouldn’t have access to if you were to react emotionally to circumstances.

Cultivate an Active Mindset

An active mindset helps you to proactively deal with circumstances. It’s a mindset that asks effective questions; always looks for new answers, opportunities and solutions; is flexible, adaptable and constantly learns from past mistakes, while moving forward towards the attainment of its goals and objectives.

Cultivate the Indispensable Qualities

Those who successfully overcome obstacles in their lives, consistently cultivate the following qualities:

Discipline
Commitment
Foresight
Resilience
Enthusiasm
Gratitude
Optimism
Curiosity
Patience

Don’t Dwell on the Negatives

When you dwell on what you don’t want, you will get more of that in your life, because we attract what we focus on. Therefore if you focus on worst case scenarios that will rip your life apart, then you’re not focusing on solutions, and if you’re not focusing on solutions then you are unlikely to find the answers you need to help you overcome your problems.

Don’t Throw Blame on Your-Self or Others

It’s paramount that you do not blame yourself or others for the circumstances you find yourself in. Yes, you can acknowledge that someone was at fault, however it’s often not the person but rather the systems and processes in place that lead to this outcome. Fix these, do not lay blame, and the obstacles you are facing will be fade away.

Don’t Look for Sympathy

When we look for sympathy from others, we come from a point of weakness and an inability to control our fate and destiny. We must instead look to come from a place of personal empowerment, where we take full responsibility for our life and circumstances. This of course does not mean that we shouldn’t ask for help or assistance. What it does mean is that we should focus on always exploring options that will move us forward towards the attainment of our goals and objectives.

Don’t Quit

Finally, no matter what, do not quit, because the greatest opportunities are always interlocked with the most difficult struggles of your life

GATHUKA`S WORDS

Saturday, 30 September 2017

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Wednesday, 27 September 2017

LIFE SKILLS